I think the good days outweigh the bad, so I'll call this business as usual, but if there's any confusion, today was a really good day. Well, and that's relative, too, because it was good because he and I had fun and stuff, but bad because I have not gotten over him at all. Maybe that little fact is what makes everything business as usual. Because I love him.
It's so much harder now because I look at his face all day, and it's so beautiful. I thought maybe having him sit that close to me all day I would see sides of his face that maybe I didn't care for, or maybe I would get bored with it or something, but no. It's only allowed me to see even more of what I like. Little smiles, and ways his mouth moves...his arms. Oh god, his arms.
What is not business as usual is my willingness to be his sexual playmate. I will enjoy our time, I will pine for him, but I will not submit. As much as my lips ache for his, I will not do that to myself again.
I dressed like a boy today as a gag, and he told me, "You are the prettiest she-male I have ever seen." I think that's the nicest compliment I've ever received. I wish he loved me. I burn, I pine, I perish. Shakespeare said that.
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