He's Just Using Me For My Ass

It may be true. I hope not, but it could be. Will it be enough to make him solely mine? I doubt it. But he wants my ass, and he wants it bad. I'm going to make him earn it. Especially since Aunt Flo is in town, goddamn womanhood.

Got pretty wasted the other night, huh? I dunno if what I said about my father is fact or insane creation of the mind. All I know is that when I was 12 or 13 I randomly told my mom that my dad carried me naked into the bathroom. It was around that time I discovered my clitoris and discovered that I felt dirty when I touched my breasts. I still do. Plus, I sometimes will still get a creepy, awkward feeling around him. And he definitely favors me. Still. I don't know. I probably never will.

I'm such a dirty pervert...I just smelled the washcloth before I did my laundry that Carl used the last time he was over to wash his post-sex privates. Smells just like the room does when he's about to come. It's such a turn on. I guess I'm a bit of a freak. What of it? Get over it.

Fuck. I wanna fuck him right now. Sexy shit.

Drunken Ramblings

Soooooo...apparently I was sexually abused by my father. At least that's what my mother recalls, and what I believe that I recall.

I'm a mess.

I love Carl.

Fuck.

I wear black on the outside cos black is what I feel on the inside.

I hope the Moz comes to me in my dreams.

I could really use talking to someone right now.

I'm feeling crazy and desperate. Augh. I am alone. With no one to talk to. Only my beverage to keep me company.

I love him so much. I even told my mom EVERYTHING about him. I want to present him to the world as the one I love.

Fuck.