This Once a Month Thing Is Really Becoming a Thing

So, it's October. I ended it with Dan. I can't sleep so far tonight. He called again a little while ago. I ignored it again. I don't know what to say to him. I dreamt about Craig last night. Actually, dreamt about him and then it turned into a nightmare with a chainsaw wielding murderer, a half-frozen guy who got his legs sawed off and squirted his blood at me, and a baby in a high chair with a cowboy hat on. Some pretty surreal imagery, but all better than this insomnia. I think Craig was the one for me. The one I should've been with. I was just thinking about him tonight as I was falling into sleep, before the phone rang with Dan's stupid late call...he was perfect. I felt myself around Craig, never like I should be more intelligent, or be more funny, or more quiet, or more anything. I was fully and completely me. And I craved being around him. I literally was like a moth to the flame with him, and he really did emanate a light when he was around. It was like everything was brighter and, well, better. We would dance together, and I wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. He could kind of suck at softball and it was okay, he didn't seem like a loser. He dressed really well. He read books, but wasn't an elitist about it. Man. I'm really debating writing him, if only to tell him how special he is in general and to explain that although I'll probably never see him again, I hope that our paths do cross one day in the future. I don't see there being anyone more perfect in the world for me. Damn. And it's also too bad that Dan had to call AGAIN tonight cos I was finally also thinking about the right words to say to try and get a dialogue going for his closure, but his fucking obsessive persistance will not get him that. The more he pushes the more I ball up and hide. I do not like that. I'm like a turtle. Don't bug me and things will get moving, dummy. Oh Craig. It can never be. Because of that sad sack it can never be. Bollocks to that. He liked me first.

I'm stupid. I hope I can sleep now that that's off my chest.