Shit

Uh oh. Things have been going so well with Dan, but tonight something bad may have happened.

He and I were supposed to hang out after the A's game tonight. I went with my Dad, he went with friends, and we were supposed to meet up afterwards. Once he finally called me I was already a little frustrated. Still, I know how I am, and was willing to get over that. Then he was talking about how he just got home and was "flopping around" and had been drinking since 5:00. I took that to mean that he was tired. Then he asked if I wanted to hang out. I told him about my car situation (my check battery light came on as I was driving home from work today). He asked a couple of questions, and I told him how new my battery was, and he suggested it might be an alternator problem. I asked him what he thought. He gave me an "I dunno." And I'm like, "Okay." And he said "Sorry, I'm a little brain dead right now." So that kind of bugs me, so I suggest maybe we shouldn't hang out tonight then. He sounds disappointed and is like, "I guess that's alright." I say something then that's borderline mean I think because I say, "Yeah, why don't you get some rest and sleep off that brain damage." Oh man. Kind of brutal. He tells me to take care and I say goodnight.

Now I'm freaking out a bit. I honestly didn't mean anything mean by that, or by not hanging out. First of all, he didn't sound very enthusiastic. Secondly, I was reaching out for help with my car situation, and all he could give me was "Sorry, I'm kind of brain dead." C'mon man. Reassure me that my car should be okay, and if it's not he'll help me out, or maybe suggest trying to come over here. I know he doesn't have a car, but at least suggest it. I dunno. I hope I didn't fuck things up tonight, but there really was nothing I could do. I have to get my car checked out before I'm driving it all over. Shit.

Now I feel so fucked up. It's his own goddamn fault because I don't ever know where I stand with him. Shit. Maybe that's my fault too, I dunno. I don't know what to do!!! There's no one to talk to, I don't know what to do. Dammit. I fuck everything up. I am a total loser scumbag idiot.